The Bachelor Finale: Jason is the Devil

Posted on March 3rd, 2009 12:11pm by Laura Kostelny
Filed under television

Let’s get in our sharing circle, shall we? We’ve all been through a lot. Let’s hold hands and talk about it. We’ve been lied to. Cheated. Hurt. Abused. Maybe we didn’t even like Melissa because she was kind of vanilla and maybe not the most clever girl–but at the end of the day–thanks to ABC–we’re all Melissa, aren’t we? But, friends, together, we can get through this. Let’s jump for the most dramatic–and by most dramatic, I mean most misogynistic–Bachelor ever.

We start at the beach. Have I missed some sort of product placement? Everyone gets whiter teeth as the season progresses. Anyway, Jason comes running into frame with a football. Melissa runs toward him. They meet, hug, and Melissa pulls her signature move–she throws leg wraps her legs around Jason. Jason says that he has been wanting to introduce Melissa to Ty ever since the night they creepily spied on him while he slept. He talks about how awesome she is with children, even commenting, “She was unbelievable with her friends’ kids.” Okay, Jason is a father. He saw her with some kids for a few minutes and that, coupled with a confession that she’d like to one day become a teacher, makes her ready to be a step-mom? Even Ty deserves better.

Anyway, Melissa is super excited. She wonders aloud, “Can we get along as a family?” I mean, it’s really no wonder that I drink. Anyway, they hit the mini golf course and Melissa asks Ty, “Tell me which hole I’m going for.” And Ty replies, “That’s what I was going to ask you.” And he high-fives his dad. Okay, not really. Instead, Melissa tells Ty some knock-knock jokes, watches him deface the golf course, lets him win a race, and then pretends to be delighted when Jason arrives with a sheep. You know. It’s what families do.

So, then it’s time to meet Jason’s kin. This is where I really started to feel sorry for Melissa. His family is giving her a hard time because her parents don’t want to appear on this game show. That’s normal. His family has seen Jason get burned on national television, and they’re more than happy to catch a plane to New Zealand to be a part of the sideshow. That’s not normal. Anyway, she’s quick to confess her love for Jason and she asks a series of questions that make me seriously question her maturity. “Am I scared to move to Seattle? No. Am I scared to become a step-mom? No.” Umm…these are both scary things. And she also says, “After meeting with Ty today, I really feel like we could possibly be a little family.” And no one starts laughing. And I think this is the thing that made me saddest: “The main thing that I love about Jason that I love is that he just accepts me.” Honey, get some self esteem. You used to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, for God’s sake. Here’s what you should be saying, “The main thing that I love about Jason is that he gets what a superstar I am, showers me in Coors Lights, and laughs at my stupid jokes.” Or whatever.

Question: Why does Jason touch their faces so much when he kisses them?

So Molly flies a kite, rolls around with Ty and Jason, gets subjected to some of Jason’s brother’s bad grammar (“So what is your weekends like?”), and talks about how tired she is of the rat race. “The past few years I’ve been really focused on my career. ..I’ve been there done that. I know that what I really want is a family,” she says. She is 24.

Let’s talk a bit about Melissa’s phone call to her parents, shall we? They clearly didn’t even know where she was. I talk to my mom every single day–and I’m not saying that’s not maybe excessive–but come on. You’re going to New Zealand, and you’re not going to shoot your folks an email? Just in case?

So, Melissa and Molly get their final chance to beg for Jason’s love and acceptance. Melissa showcases her tramp stamp on a yacht, and Molly breaks out the oils and the erotic massage. I think this is called “foreshadowing.” Oh. And Molly has a scrapbook for him. The whole Madonna/rhymes with bore thing. You get the idea.

Deanna. Why are you even here? Do you need air time? Are you pregnant? How come your clothes didn’t fit? What is the deal with this show? Between Jason’s tiny suits and Deanna’s too-large suit, I urge any of you with styling experience to contact ABC stat.

So, Molly gets the boot, and she seems genuinely surprised. I was sad that she cried in the car because I, like her father, fear emotion on any level, but I got it. She dug him. Jason is an ugly crier. And he cries a lot. Except when he should cry. But we’ll get to that soon enough. So, Melissa “wins.” Woman-hater Jason says, “She makes me feel like she really and truly needs me.” Really? She seems like she’s maybe fragile? Might need a strong man in her life? She’s possibly looking for a new family because she doesn’t have a tight relationship with her own? You know what you should do, Jason? Dump her on television. Tell her that things are different now that you’ve moved back to your crappy Seattle apartment and there are no cameras, no helicopters, and no BMW SUVs. And you should tell her about the girl you’d like to see instead.

Chris claims that Melissa knew how it was all going to go down. I don’t care. She’s either a brilliant actress or she was really hurt. Wasn’t it so great that she got angry? And why did she give the ring back? I would have kept that sucker, hocked it, bought a suit for Jason, and sent him a note saying “You are not the size you think you are.” And then I would take myself on vacation. Anywhere but New Zealand.

And Molly. Molly, you poor, dumb, young girl. Here’s what you should have done: You should have looked Jason in the eye, and you should have laughed and laughed. And then you should have walked off the set and given Melissa a hug. You should have jumped in her limo, and headed for The Old Monk (or whatever the LA equivalent is) and bought her beers and listened to her complain about how troubled Ty is and what a bad kisser Jason is. You should have wiped her tears and told her that she can do better–you both can. Because that’s what decent, grown-up women (who are ready to have families) do.

Molly, I hope that someone does that for you when he dumps you.





59 Comments to “The Bachelor Finale: Jason is the Devil”
  • Kelly @ March 3rd, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    You rock. Thank you for sharing this AMAZING journey with us Laura. Cheers-KS

  • SR @ March 3rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Please tell us we’ll get yet another blog after the second After the Rose Ceremony tonight. I’m not finished whaling on these imbeciles!

  • JB @ March 3rd, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    Loved the recap. I totally missed the ring return. I didn’t see it on her finger and I was looking for it when she sat on the “couch”. I’d heard she was already back with her ex so I knew she wasn’t going to be “the one”. How did Melissa give it back?

  • Mary M @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    This Jason dude is one fickle, immature excuse for a dad and a fiance. Don’t feel bad for Molly though; she looks pretty cagey herself. I give them a month, after which she’ll return to her very consuming career and Jason will milk the 15-minutes thing for as long as he possibly can. He probably lost his job after all those filming absences and needs cash in a hurry. Maybe he can sell the mis-cut suits and mismatched ties on e-Bay.

  • Rhonda Reinhart @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    So who wins the draft, guhls?

  • FrontBurner » Blog Archive » The Bachelor Finale: Jason is the Devil @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    [...] Click here for Laura Kostelny’s recap of last night’s horrendous Bachelor finale and after-the-final-rose nightmare. Melissa, call us if you want to talk. Leave a Reply [...]

  • Sarah Eveans @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    I just LOL’ed three times.

  • Barbi @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Has nobody noticed that poor, dear Jason keeps moaning how he and Ty have been alone for years and years and it will be nice to finally meet his mate? The kid is not even 4 years old yet!

    That’s years and years? Jason is a seriously messed up dude.

  • Rene @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    Yes Melissa is back with her ex. Get this, his name is Tye!! So much more of a hottie and class act than Jason.

    The whole time last night I was yelling at the TV telling Molly to run, to go jump in the limo with Melissa. Jason doesn’t deserve either. What’s up with him crying all the time? Showing emotion is good mind you but there was more tears from Jason than all the ladies put together.

    We need to know about Jasons ex-wife for some reason.

  • allison @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    I think if Jason was the class-act everyone claims him to be, he would have had the decency to break up with her in private before the aftershow. I think he knew may have known he’d pull a switcheroo, but I doubt Melissa did. I mean, would she really set herself up for that on tv? I dunno. Unless after the DCC show, she had dreams for stardom… I still think she was ket out of the loop and this was just all a cruel joke on her for ratings. (Could he have appeared on anymore talk shows???)

    But glad to know she’s moved on. Hopefully, she’s happy and in a good place.

  • allison @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    AND why she did not keep that ring and sell it is beyond me!

  • Mary M @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    I read somewhere that Jason’s divorce was finalized in Feb. ’08 (a blogger checked the county records). Let’s see… get divorced, immediately sign up for The Bachelorette, then go on The Bachelor, then get engaged to someone you’ve known for a few weeks, then break up with the fiancee and then hook up with the runner up — all in 12 months when most newly-divorced would use the time to stabilize things for the kid and themselves.
    Someone call a shrink!

  • Jennifer Chininis @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    First of all, the show should be called Tools and Whores.
    Second of all, Melissa should have punched Jason in the balls.
    Third, Molly should have punched Jason in the balls.
    The end.

  • Rene @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    They all sign contracts and it doesn’t seem to me that Jason paid for that ring and probably in the contract it tells them to return it or something. I do know that Melissa was very respectful of the confidentially contract she signed for $500K. She stayed hidden away during this time. But she did quit her job and move to Seattle so it seems she lost personal funds here and surely would have kept the ring if she was entitled.

  • Chris @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    Scripted crap.

  • jessica @ March 3rd, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    Great recap – what a sad, sick little show. It’s a trainwreck and I get sucked in every season. I’m sure everyone has a friend of a friend who knows Miss Melissa (and has a story to tell), I just hope she can wash her hands of this whole thing and get on with her life.

  • sezc @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    @ Jennifer – submit that name to ABC!

  • maddie @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:11 pm
  • meghan @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    I kind of jumped in at the end of this season but I was struck/disgusted by 1. Jason’s apparent belief that his feelings and actions were completely out of his control; and 2. his constant use of cliches like “no regrets” and “all we have is today” barf

  • Lakewoody @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    HA!!!! I SO agree with Jennifer Chininis!

    Well Said!

  • Idunno @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    The Bachelor is ridiculous. Soap operatic drivel nonsense. Read a book ladies.

  • Ridiculosity @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    One word: creep

  • Jennifer Chininis @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    Um, we read books, too. Why do people assume if we watch television that we are illiterate? And if you’re so uninterested in the Bachelor, and you think it’s nonsense, then why are you reading this blog post?

  • Mary M @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    Ten-to-one he dumps Molly and makes a play for DeAnna next.

  • JNSW @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Melissa handled herself with WAY more restraint that I would have shown. Either she got a great edit or she’s been taught well.

    Jason came off as severely character-flawed. He seems like the kind of guy who really would jump off a cliff if people told him to do it. He may not be a bad person, but he appeared to have no capacity for independent thought.

    Melissa is so much better off. She was totally right last night when she said she wished he would have just not picked her to start with. Molly on the other hand – even if she loved him – where’s her sista spirit? Hooking back up with Jason makes her appear…..just…..stupid.

    And what was up with Jason’s random nostril flare?

  • Margaret @ March 3rd, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    I don’t even know where to start, but I will say, the best parts of Mondays nights were Tuesday Blogs!!

    He cried way too much for me.

    Seriously, Melissa… contact someone at D so we can have a girls night out! You have lots of supporters in town and we would love to buy you a beer! We could pack a place in no time flat!

    Come on Melissa!!

  • Jenn W @ March 3rd, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    I rather enjoyed reading this and as a friend said “he made Brad Womack look like an angel” lol

    I heart Melissa but she held her own, the under the breath b*stard comment was priceless. There is no “poor Molly” – all of America was thinking DON’T DO IT how could she not think the same thing. She knows what she is doing is ridiculous! Jason is a douche.

  • PR @ March 3rd, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    As a Texan, here is the way I think last night should have been handled.

    First, I like Jennifer Chininis’ suggestion — Melissa should have punched him in the balls. Then, again this is Texas, so her brothers should have come onto the stage and whipped his arse.

    Then, while he is down on the ground, Molly should have come out with her brothers and whipped his arse again.

    Then, some kids in a local high school band should be allowed to whip his arse since Jason needs more beatings and honestly, band kids don’t get the chance to kick arse that often and Jason is a bigger wuss than your average, chubby high school trombone player.

  • Stacy @ March 3rd, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    It took a lot of restraint not to throw things at the TV last night.

  • Chris @ March 3rd, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    a lot of you are commenting like what you saw was a surprise to Melissa… ITS ALL SCRIPTED!

    And they all get paid well for it!

  • Poodle @ March 3rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    Laura, will you accept this rose? And marry me? On live TV? Because hot damn girl I love you when you write like this.

  • Laura Kostelny @ March 3rd, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    Hi Poodle, I feel a real connection here. If I don’t get a spot on the next Rock of Love (only doing it if it takes place on a bus again), I’m definitely in.

  • Edna @ March 3rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    For those of you excited about tonight, it looks like a repeat.

    http://tv.yahoo.com/the-bachelor-after-the-final-rose/show/28908

  • Margaret @ March 3rd, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    OH!!!! I want to be on Rock of Love Bus too, only if you promise to eat Lean Cusine when drunk and I can lay on a speed bump and cry!!

    Laura: Can post about Bret and the girls now that the bachelor is over??

    I thought tonight Jason is going to propose to Molly?? The girls, Naomi, etc, come on to rehash? And diss on Jason? Jillian gets announced as the Bachlorette?? Melissa is not there, Chris just reads a hand written letter from her??

    Not that I know anything about it…

    and I am sure the manfriend and I will be watching Nip/Tuck anyway….

  • Nancy Nichols @ March 3rd, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    I heard Casey Thompson was going to be on next year.

  • Nancy Nichols @ March 3rd, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    KIDDING.

  • Barbara @ March 3rd, 2009 at 5:26 pm

    I have never understood the appeal of this show. It is painful to watch on so many levels, not the least of which is the emotional fragility of all of the participants. The very notion that one can build a marriage commitment based on what transpires during these episodes is disturbing and sad.

  • George Dixon @ March 3rd, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    i THiNK JASON iS A WHACK JOB!!!!!!!!!

  • Mary M @ March 3rd, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    I guess the one thing that keeps me from being too depressed is that most of these people are voraciously hungry for camera time and truly just want to be actors or models. They’d likely give up hearth and home for a break in Hollywood. Therefore…. it’s just a more time-consuming version of the old “casting couch.” Oh ABC, yu’ve made me such a cynic. Hey, doesn’t Top Model start up again tomorrow?

  • Ginny @ March 3rd, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    A jerk. His tears are fake. He’s not that into you – should be he’s not into anyone except himself. Women come on – we are smarter than we are shown on this show!

  • LM @ March 3rd, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    So writer, are you not aware that Molly and Jason where in on doing this to Melissa? It was ABCs plan when there were 5 left. He had called the producers and told them he knew it was Molly, so they came up with a plan for higher ratings and a more dramatic ending tha Jason and Molly agreed to….surely you’ve read this….
    http://www.realitysteve.com

  • carissa @ March 3rd, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Reading comments are better than watching the show!

  • Kristen @ March 3rd, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    Jason is a poor excuse for a man! He is self-centered and his games about being so “into” his son is ridiculous! If you are love your child so much you would not allow him to be on national television, introducing him to his future Stepmother and then dump her on TV so it is recorded for eternity … way to go! Nice example for your son Jason! Molly is gross! She needs to fix her teeth … she is a pretty poor excuse for the female existance too! AS IF he will not do the same thing to her … COME ON! He let her go for the whole world to see too …. What happens if a truly hot girl comes into his life …. sorry TY, this is your new Mommy! I was just kidding about all of the others … come on JASON – what a joke! Short man disease perhaps?

  • Gbzz @ March 3rd, 2009 at 9:05 pm

    Wait… shh! It’s on.

  • pinky @ March 4th, 2009 at 2:44 am

    DOUCHE!!!!

  • TL @ March 4th, 2009 at 8:08 am

    What’s good about this is that by the time the show airs, Melissa has had time to recover and get back with the BF here in Dallas. She will be recognized around here for a long time. Best of luck too you Mel.

  • Margaret @ March 4th, 2009 at 9:14 am
  • mike @ March 4th, 2009 at 10:47 am

    I have never seen more fake tears from a bachelor than a bachelorette. What a panzy.

  • mike @ March 4th, 2009 at 10:48 am

    I have never seen more fake tears from a bachelor than a bachelorette. What a panzy

  • miranda @ March 4th, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    I don’t even watch this show and I have been fascinated with the blogs. I thought he was creepy for pimping out his kid. He just seemed gross.

  • Fifeko @ March 4th, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    Any girl that will appear on a show like that, wait in line for a man to be kissing and passing on germs repeatedly from one girl to the other is insane. For one thing, Jason is a sick guy who who needs desperate help. The way he was parading his son made me think at first, the (son’s) mother passed away in some tragic accident,I did not know he was looking for a lifetime babysitter for this kid. The chubby girl that was proposed to looked like a stalker and was definitely a threat. The dumped one looked liked hyper and was prepared to be a slave, wow!. I am amazed the relationship lasted longer than 24 hours. Jason needs to go back to New Zealand, grow up and come back to Seattle. As a fellow Seattlelite I am embarassed.I bet his ex-wife is having the last laugh. ABC, please make sure the participants on your show are mentally grown-up from now on.

  • Poodle @ March 4th, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    Is Fifeko implying that Melissa is “chubby”? I’d be willing to be she weighs 107 pounds. Fully dressed. And wet.

  • Poodle @ March 4th, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    willing to bet, that should have been

  • Donnie @ March 4th, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Jason does a good job of playing dumb and pretending to be unable to make the decision, but maybe things went straight according to his master plan…a one month affair with the sexier Melissa, then switch to the better wife, Molly. It was his “best case” scenario.
    If Molly didn’t fall for his “Plan B’, then Even-Dumber-Deanna is still waiting on the sidelines for his “Plan C”.

  • Angela @ March 8th, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    Now that Melissa is rumored to be on Dancing with the Stars… can we continue the blog?!

  • jamie Jeanbart @ March 22nd, 2009 at 8:14 am

    hey… what’s your source on this?

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  • white teeth @ August 11th, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    I happened upon your site, and I greatly enjoyed it.

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