D

Tights for Men. “MantyHose.” Umm…

For Shakespeare it was fine, but I’m not sure about this.

Spider Silk – The Newest Luxury

And you thought you worked hard.  How about collecting one million wild spiders from telephone poles?  For 4 years?  To produce a piece of cloth 11 ft x 4 ft?  Just the latest in the “hard to get” category, and it is on display at the American Museum of Natural History.  It is supposed to be stronger than Kevlar, but don’t expect to see it yet in military haz-mat suits – unless we only need one per year. Maybe that’s the answer to get us out of the war.   “Sorry, no equipment, those damn spiders just aren’t working hard enough.”  Thanks for the link, Danny Piassick.)

Fashion Flashback: Little Darlings

Once upon a time, there were two adorable children–the Kostelny sisters–whose hobbies included performing scenes from Star Wars, pursuing dreams of becoming professional roller skaters (figure not speed), and dressing alike. Then they moved to Saudi Arabia. When they moved back a few years later–to the thriving metropolis that is Beaumont, Texas–they were the biggest outcasts in the world. Oh. And they were in junior high. With cruel junior high kids.  In Beaumont, Texas. So, their mother decided to make things worse by enrolling them in a “charm school,” where the girls learned important lessons such as how to get in and out of a limousine, how to eat soup, and how to “mannequin” model. (They are the two beauties who are  doing the c-3PO and the collar grab.)  You know, like you do, when you’re a lady. And although the setting looks like a prison, it’s actually a room in a school. God. It’s a wonder those poor nerdy Kostelny misfits made it through the horrible, unkind 1980s. The end.

The Biggest Chair You’ve Ever Seen Lives Right Here in North Texas

The other day, I got an e-mail from someone at Sunnyland Furniture. The gentleman said the store was home to the world’s largest patio chair. I didn’t fact-check that statement, but I did decide I needed to see the monster seat for myself. So, with Peggy Levinson, Laura Kostelny, and Jamie Laubhan-Oliver in tow, I drove north to the corner of Coit and Spring Valley. And, lo and behold, there it was: the biggest chair mine eyes had ever seen. Then, as you can see, we did what anyone else would have done. Your next road trip has just been planned. Thank me later.

Cankles! And The Ladies Who Loathe Them

There are a couple of local connections in this Wall Street Journal story about fat ankles, such as the area surgeon who says he does 10 to 12 ankle liposuctions a year, and the Irving-based Gold’s Gym having declared July “Cankles Awareness Month.” Those two tidbits alone had already left me scratching my cankles, but then I got to the part about Preparation H. Jump for it.

(more…)

TV With Laura: The Bachelorette Episode 2 Recap

Get your laughs on FrontBurner. But leave your comments here, ladies!

TV With Laura: The Bachelorette Recap

My little recaps have moved over to FrontBurner. So go here to get my take on last night’s episode of The Bachelorette. But guess what? FrontBurner doesn’t have comments anymore. So, if you have questions, comments, arguments, beefs, or any other feedback, please do so here, okay? I like hearing from you!

Deconstructing the Cuchini

As far as beauty product reviews go, this one really brings the lolz, as Best Week Ever blog staffers might say. Gosh, BWE, you make me happy. Also, whoever designed this logo is a mad genius. Note the swoop on the big “C.” That was no accident, friends.

TV with Laura: Tough Love Part VII (?)

Hello, dear friends. Forgive me for falling down on my post last week. I promise, I will never allow my “real” job to get in the way of my commitment to bringing you updates on some of the saddest television shows. But that’s all behind us. Let’s focus on last night’s episode of Tough Love. Steve said the lesson was about reconciling the past and the present with the future. WRONG. The lesson here is that all reality show roads lead back to Dallas. Jump to see what I mean.

(more…)

Super High Tech (Fun) Modern Purse

Seriously. I wish Chanel would get on board.

TV With Laura: Needs Your Help

I’ve been at the office since about 2:30 p.m. finishing the May/June issue of D Home. The tragedy here: I missed Tough Love. (Yes, I know. I should get a DVR. But my favorite channel, VH1, replays everything over and over again, so that seems like a waste of money.) Can any Shoptalkers give me the scoop? Maybe you could even write a little recap with highlights? Who was in the hot seat? Did Arian pull any of her funny business? Any good quotes from my girl Taylor? Thanks in advance for making my day.

TV with Laura: Tough Love Pt. V

Another week, another Tough Love recap. I wish I could say this show was getting easier to watch. It’s not. Especially after watching a Dateline about women who got conned out of money, love, and sexual favors by an old, obese dude who claimed to be a producer for Michael Jackson. Why are women so willing to believe men? Is it greed? Is it our early exposure to fairy tales? Are we bored? None of this and less was answered on last night’s episode. Jump for it. Or don’t.

(more…)

Running in Heels – Episode 6: Winners, Losers and Whiners

Forgive me if my details are a bit limited today. I didn’t take notes last night so I’m going on memory here. (By the way, I know the show is on Sundays but I usually don’t get to it until Monday night. Thank God for Tivo!) Anyway…The show begins with Joanna telling the interns they need to “step up their game.” She says that she is the first to arrive and the last to leave each day and it has surprised her that none of the girls have been there at either time. They don’t seem motivated to do extra work or to try and make an impression on them. Thus begins a nasty competition. Disappointingly, Talia didn’t say much this week. She did cry though so that made up for it.

So Ashley takes the initiative and goes in early the next day. She asks Joanna if there is anything she needs help with. Joanna asks her to find out what Christy Turlington has been up to recently because she is coming in that day to meet with her. Ok, easy enough and a great way to get in good with Joanna. Or not. For some insane reason Ashley can’t find anything on the internet about Christy’s latest goings on. Ten minutes before Joanna’s meeting she hands what she found to Joanna - sheet of paper with ONE sentence on it. Joanna says it is ”unacceptable.” And I don’t blame her. It was truly ridiculous. Ashley says she’s going to redeem herself but all I can think is, “How do you come back from that?” (more…)

TV With Laura: Tough Love Pt. IV

Friends, I have visited Crazy Town. I even had a little apartment there after a particularly rough breakup. But that was a long time ago–I’m too old, lazy, and jaded to really freak out anymore. I recently spoke to one of my favorite exes who mentioned attending a Taylor Swift concert. Boys don’t go to Taylor Swift concerts alone. Therefore, he probably has a new girlfriend with questionable taste in music. (Although a particularly helpful friend pointed out he could have a kid that he forgot to tell me about.) I could freak out about it. I could cry, key a car or two, and get my bottom tattooed like Stasha. Instead, I choose to have another Coors Light and watch my terrible programs. If only the guhls of Tough Love had me as counsel during this freak-out heavy episode. Jump for the dramz.

(more…)

Angie Harmon: Political Strategist

Some people like to talk politics at the Old Monk. Others like to duke it out in front of the television after The O’Reilly Factor. (That can’t be just me and my dad, right?) But let’s be honest: the best place to talk about what’s happening in the world today is at a Los Angeles launch of a new eyelash-growing formula, Latisse. It’s practically a political summit. Or at least it’s the perfect place for former Dallas resident/former Law and Order woman (I like the latter better) Angie Harmon to talk about her disapproval of Obama, respect for Palin, and so forth. Listen, people I don’t care what Ms. Harmon’s politics are—and to be fair, Debra Messing and Mandy Moore gave their hot sports opinions at this party, too (they’re just lucky they’re not from here)–I just think it’s a hilarious setting for anything other than, “Oh crap. I’ve got glue in my eye.” or “Do I look too Cabaret?”

TV with Laura: Tough Love Part III

Up until Sunday night, I was feeling pretty empowered. I considered–as a single woman–having a baby and naming her “Laura Kostelny” after yours truly. I went to a movie by myself. I went to church alone. And I couldn’t have been happier. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I watched 20 straight episodes of Gilmore Girls during the weekend. Perhaps it’s because my married friends are acting seriously goofy these days. Whatever the reason, I spent the weekend feeling pretty good about being single. And then I watched Tough Love. And it all went to hell. Jump if you want to play along.

(more…)

TV with Laura: Tough Love Episode 2

Hello, dear friends. I learned a valuable lesson last night: watching bad television alone (and sober) is very difficult. Impossible, really. I was at my parents’ house, watching the wonderful film Being There, when I realized it was close to 9 p.m. That’s when I had explain that I had to watch Tough Love so that I could blog about it. They are obviously very proud. Anyway, while in exile, I vowed that the guhls would have to join me for the nonsense next week. Jump for the (lonely) recap.

(more…)

Art & Lily No More

What happened? I visited a shoot for D Home, and we were talking about how sad it was that things went south for the Greenville Avenue store so quickly. Is it just another victim of the terrible economy? I also had the opportunity to walk around Bishop Arts this afternoon (I’m a busy business lady. I don’t just blog about reality television, friends), and I was saddened to see so many vacant spaces. So depressing. Maybe I’ll go shopping.

On-line Dating: Fun or Frightening?

I fear strangers. I’m overly suspicious. I don’t always make the best first impressions due to my raging case of Tourettes. It is for all of these reasons (and more) that on-line dating doesn’t make sense for a girl like me. (One could argue that those are also reasons why any sort of human interaction doesn’t make sense for a girl like me, but whatever.) I’ve written about some of those sites in the past, and they all seemed perfectly fine–although E Harmony is a lot of work. And then I read this on Jezebel today (read the WHOLE thing. Major twist at the end), and it scared the heck out of me. Sure, I’d love to hear the success stories but if you have a ghastly Match date to report, I like those, too!

This Just In! Revolutionary Device Takes Years Off Your Skin!

Just when you think you’ve seen and heard it all, a press release like this lands in your mailbox. These are the (alleged) hands of a woman in Maryland who has a Geowave, or My Personal Optimizer, installed in her home. Twelve years ago, this “life-enhancing product” was believed to produce a calming and relaxing feeling, as well as improved healing, in a group of patients at a university hospital in Europe. Now hundreds of Geowaves are hanging in hospitals throughout Europe, and this amazing “interior design element” is now available in the U.S. It hangs from the ceiling and removes stress and tension from the environment and the body. On the web site are comments from doctors and scientists, but here’s the official word from the “studies”: “The device had a harmonizing effect on the human body, and biochemical parameters collected from saliva samples showed increased IgA (a sign of lower stress and relaxation). With less stress and tension, the body is able to sleep deeper and rest better. When we sleep better, our body produces more melatonin, and many doctors consider melatonin to be a promising anti-aging therapy. In addition, “My Personal Optimizer” increases the human energy field and gives people more usable energy.” The Maryland woman’s younger-looking hands are just a bonus! And to think–all this time I had only a ceiling fan in my home. Silly me.

P.S. This thing will set you back at least a grand (or $2,000 for the top-of-the-line model.) But it has a six-month guarantee, so …