TV with Laura: Tough Love Season Finale

I don’t typically date men who like to spend money, whether it’s because they’re unemployed, under employed, or they just don’t like to share. So, I’m used to going Swedish. (I figure if “Dutch” means splitting the check, “Swedish” means paying for everything.) And even though I’m incredibly wealthy (not even close), the weekend getaway doesn’t typically happen for me right away (if at all). Lucky for us, VH-1 is willing to fund a trip to Hedonism for the women of Tough Love and men they have known for about four weeks tops. (In the case of poor Natasha, she meets him on the date.) Jump if you care.

So, we open with the girls packing. Steve summons them to let them know that they are in for the “biggest challenge of all. The training wheels are coming off, ladies.” In this case, it means they have to invite dudes—in some cases, strangers—for a sleepover date–which, honestly doesn’t seem like an appropriate thing for a single woman to do. Could it be that Taylor is the only one who realizes this—crazy, bidet-sprayed Taylor? It’s possible because she bids everyone adieu right away.

Our friend Jacklyn was the star of the episode. She has no problem asking Brock to be her escort to Newport Beach. She’s excited about the whole date–but when she calls her mother to ask her to send her birth control (Yeah, you read that right. Apparently, they don’t have birth control in California.Or her mother is her Ob/GYN.), she’s told that her ex Greg is planning something big at the airport. So this pretty much sets the scene for the entire episode. Everyone is worried about whether she’s going to be able to focus on Brock and move on from Greg. Listen, I like boys who have commitment issues. I get it. But this is a guy who agreed to come out to California and never once said, “Hey, this show is retarded. Let’s get out of here. I want to be with you. The idea of you getting into a hot tub every other minute—and Jackie, you do get into the hot tub waaaay too much—with some dude, is beyond gross to me. I love you.” And scene. He didn’t do that. Not even close. He sort of made a fool out of her.

Ultimately, Jacklyn is done with Brock.  Jacks, even if you and Greg are still giving things a go with Greg now that you’re back here in Dallas, please reconsider your affinity for hot tubs.

Let’s move on to Abiola. She and Justin are in a villa that has a ceiling that rivals the Sistine Chapel. She begins marveling at the artistry, and Justin says something profound about the archways. Abiola observes, “Usually, a basketball player isn’t going to study art.” Okay, while I would argue that Justin hasn’t actually studied art–I do think it’s obvious that Abiola hates basketball players. Or something like that.

The only other couple worth mentioning is Jodie and Shane. They live it up in Las Vegas. He (or VH-1) buys her a piece of jewelry. They make out on the strip. They have a DTR. And they retire to the bedroom. All fine, whatever. But it’s the next morning that gave me the creeps. Shane answers the door in his underwear–now I’m sure they good people who work at hotels in Las Vegas have to see a lot of unpleasant things. But come on. You can’t put on a robe. Also, while the poor waitress is getting things set up, Shane and Jodie are in bed drinking Bloody Marys. It’s just seemed odd to me.

So, back to the final group therapy: everyone is in the hot seat. Everyone cries and tells Steve how much they learned. Everyone hugs. And everyone ends up…single and alone…Except ARIAN! She’s dating a bartender she met on the show.

I think we all know the lessons here: Steve is useless. Long live Arian! And, finally, thank God, this thing is over.

(And if you need someone to buy you a meal, give me a call, Greg.)